A woman can also be a NINJA!
Someone has hired a ninja to kill a white golfer. His only crime is that he is white and that he loves to play golf. The ninja hates white people who play golf, and he picks up the white golf ball and shows the man what he is going to do to his white testicles.
A lot of white men come running, but the ninja has full control, and he sees his target. The white devil man is in a hurry, but the ninja shows his awesome strength. The white devil man speeds up, and he’s going too fast, and he loses control. The white devil man takes his last breath, and nobody really cares.
The cops have arrived, and they don’t do much to stop him. Why is the ninja using the road when he tries to escape? That’s better!
The cops in this movie are also the worst drivers you will find. And when you didn’t think it could get any worse, they have even worse pilots. The thing they have in common is that they are all white.
The ninja still continues to terrorize the cops. There are so many of them, but the ninja puts up a fight they will not forget. They kill him one time. But like Jesus, he stands up from the dead and kills more of them before they finally kill him a second time. But the ninja has planted a ninja-reborn Jesus seed in the ground, and he is still alive.
Linda Hamilton is doing her job, and she hears a sound. It’s the ninja man who is rolling around and dying. The ninja man attacks Linda Hamilton, and he does that Chucky thing, and the evil ninja possesses her body. He is smarter than the serial killer in Child’s Play.
Linda Hamilton is at the police station, and the sleazy cop is trying to hit on her, showing her his sexy leg. The evil ninja who has possessed Linda Hamilton recognizes one of the cops who shot him.
Linda Hamilton also works as an aerobic instructor, and some weirdoes look at cheap women the wrong way. I guess they have watched I Spit on Your Grave. The sleazy cop with his hairy legs is stalking Linda Hamilton, and he shows too much of his disgusting, sexy, hairy legs.
The guys from I Spit on Your Grave harass Princess Diana, and then they harass Linda Hamilton. She shows her acrobatic skills and incredible strength. That had to hurt! How much did that weigh? 5 kg? The sleazy cop doesn’t give up, and finally, she invites him to her home. She is also pretty cheap. So they are now boy and girlfriend.
Then she wakes up at night, and her closet is like a light show. The sword tells her it’s time to kill. The evil ninja has taken over her body.
A goofy-looking pirate from Japan has traveled to the USA, and he is here to stop the evil ninja.
The evil ninja recognizes one of the cops who shot him, and now he knows where the cop is living, and he’s celebrating. It’s time for another light show, and this time the arcade cabinet shoots out a laser, and I don’t know what’s going on at all. It’s pretty to look at, but it makes no sense.
The evil ninja returns to his man cave to pick up his equipment, and it’s time for the first kill. He is going to kill Paulie from the Rocky movies. Paulie is rocking his ugly boots while playing with a lot of balls, and the evil ninja shows us again what he’s going to do with another man’s white testicles. Paulie is dead, and so are his white testicles.
Linda Hamilton tries to find out what’s going on with her, but she will get no answers that can help her. And here is another cop who shot the evil ninja. It’s Tackleberry from the Police Academy movies. The evil ninja follows him, flirts with him, poisons him, and kills his hos.
The pirate is getting closer to catching up to his nemesis. Linda Hamilton visits Chinatown, and there she finds Lo Pan. He is an exorcist, and he also loves the kinky stuff. Oh yeah, tie her up!
Linda Hamilton turns into Linda Blair, and she speaks Japanese. Now she’s just showing off, and she looks like Ozzy Osbourne after that spin. The evil ninja tells them he is a ninja, and no one can stop him. Lo Pan tells her boyfriend that a black ninja possesses her. Wait a moment! Lo Pan tells him that only a ninja can destroy a ninja! This is poetry!
The pirate attacks the people working at the morgue since he’s a ninja, and he finds the dead body of the evil ninja. There’s a flashback to a point in time where we see how the evil ninja made him lose his eye in an accident. The pirate steals the corpse, and the scene ends. The pirate has turned into Ted Bundy.
Linda Blair is showing off her sexy legs, and here come two other cops who killed him. One of them is Hightower from the Police Academy movies. But the most important thing is Linda Blair’s sexy legs! We need to sniff her toes! Come, show us more! And by the way, you have no manners!
Time for another light show and an earthquake. Linda Blair tries to stop the possession with dancing and music. She isn’t that smart, and in the end, she will lose to the evil ninja.
The evil ninja attacks a police funeral in broad daylight. The boyfriend is on his tail, but the evil ninja kills many people at the funeral. Luckily for them and their relatives, I guess they will appreciate that they will save a lot of money and get a group discount since they don’t have to move the corpses that far to their graves, and there are so many of them. Kill ten people at the cemetery at the same time and get a 50% discount! Great deal!
The man must pay for that gravestone! The pirate has finally caught up to the evil ninja, and he chases him. Remember, only a ninja can kill a ninja. And this pirate was one of the best ninjas in the 80s. He doesn’t overact too much. He is a natural actor that almost won an Oscar. He drags off her hood and lets her go. The police are here, and they arrest the pirate from Japan. Arrrr, they got him!
The boyfriend talks to the pirate, who looked at him weirdly. Does the pirate like hairy men? The pirate asks him if he knows where the sword is because he has come from Japan to take revenge. Is it just me, or do you feel the need to punch the pirate in his stupid face? The pirate is a joker, just like Jackie Chan, and now he is on the loose again.
The boyfriend comes home and tells his girlfriend that she is coming with him to see the man from Japan. The man from Japan is a ninja, and he is going to help Linda Blair. The evil ninja remembers the boyfriend was one of the men who shot and killed him. She picks up the sword, but Linda Blair stops herself from killing her boyfriend. She escapes, or he escapes. Well, they both escape!
The pirate has arrived at the temple, and so has the evil ninja. The evil ninja finds his corpse, and now the pirate is serious. Linda Blair begs him to get rid of the evil ninja from her body. The fight is on! That was a short fight.
The evil ninja leaves Linda Blair’s body and enters his own body. Time for the last duel. He has turned into a zombie ninja. He is so slow, and he starts singing. But since the pirate didn’t like his singing, the audience members attacks him. But only a ninja can destroy a ninja, so he escapes the angry audience.
The cop finds his girlfriend, and they are safe.
The evil ninja bombs the pirate who forgot to bring his pirate ship, and the pirate is in trouble. Linda Blair and her boyfriend are running toward the duelists. The pirate believes he is the coolest ninja in the world, and he impresses himself. The couple is admiring the pirate. Linda Blair picks up the sword and stabs the evil ninja. Will he finally die? This is just too cool for school! Is he drilling for oil this time? I think he hit the jackpot! It’s going to burst!
The pirate tries to save his own life, and when he thinks he is safe, the evil ninja returns. But the pirate stabs him in the head, and the pirate wins. He tells them it’s over now, and thank God for that!
The end!