A lawyer who happens to be a psychopath finds himself in big trouble when a masked serial killer sets out to get him. This killer has a gruesome habit of stealing human brains. But why is this masked serial killer targeting the psychopathic lawyer?
This movie was an absolute snooze fest. Directed by Takashi Miike, it’s evident that he hasn’t made a truly great movie in over a decade—or perhaps even longer. Miike seems completely burned out and should seriously consider retirement. His latest offerings are boring, generic, and far from the groundbreaking works he used to create. He has lost his magic touch.
If you know anything about movies, you’ll understand what I mean when I describe Lumberjack the Monster as a gray, lifeless movie with shallow characters who lack any meaningful depth. Don’t go in expecting a sick and brutal Takashi Miike movie. This movie isn’t graphic or gripping. You won’t feel invested in the characters because they are utterly soulless, with no development or personality. Watching this movie is like watching paint dry; it lacks energy and suspense, primarily due to how lackluster the characters are.
The opening scene is, without a doubt, the best part of the movie. It takes us to the past, where police discover a couple who have kidnapped and experimented on numerous children. It’s the only interesting and mysterious moment in the entire movie. After that, the story shifts to the psychopathic lawyer, who is harboring dark secrets. And what’s the big secret? Surprise, surprise—he’s a psychopath. He also has a partner, but unfortunately, this character is as empty and uninteresting as the rest of the characters in the movie.
Then there are the cops, including a profiler who comes across as stiff, joyless, and lifeless. In fact, all the cops are similarly one-dimensional. The profiler, in particular, feels like she needs to take a break, lighten up, or perhaps find someone to add some spark to her life. She needs a hunk of a man in her life! You can clearly see she needs something that only a man can give her. Yet again, here’s another character who lacks depth and energy, making it impossible to care about her or her role in the story.
As for the masked serial killer, his actions aren’t random—he has reasons for killing his victims. However, the “why” behind his actions is hardly compelling. The movie wastes time on the lawyer trying to remember things from his past, but none of it feels meaningful or engaging.
Even if you’re a devoted fan of Takashi Miike, I can’t recommend watching Lumberjack the Monster. It’s a tedious movie filled with dull characters and a generic, uninspired story that fails to capture your attention. Save yourself the time and skip this movie altogether.