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Hellraiser (1987) – English Review

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Don’t open the puzzle box! Don’t!

A man named Frank opens up a hellish puzzle box, and he dies a brutal death after meeting some sexy Cenobites. But after tasting his brother’s blood, he breaks the rules and lives again! But don’t tell Pinhead that Franks lives again! He will not be pleased to hear that!

I like Pinhead and his buddies, but my two favorite horror characters are Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers. Jason Voorhees can go and f himself! He’s a boring character that can go to hell or space with his rotten movies. Well, most of them are rotten.

The first time I watched Hellraiser was in the 80s. I was young and dumb, and too young and dumb to watch a movie like Hellraiser. I had a rule every time I watched Hellraiser, and that was not to eat when watching it. That rule also applied to the sequel.

If you compare Hellraiser to other popular horror movie series from the 80s, Hellraiser is the darkest one of them all. It’s a pretty sick and twisted movie where Pinhead and his friends get little screen time. And that is a sort of disappointment after having watched the movie at least ten times since I was young and dumb. They disappear for a long time, but they rock hard when they finally show up!

It’s a sort of bizarre love triangle going on with a bad man named Frank who likes to do dirty things with women and with himself. He’s a mean man, and his brother has married a woman who loves dirty Frank. She wants to feel the taste of dirty Frank again. It’s time to please dirty Frank again!

The problem is that dirty Frank dies in the movie’s opening scene after opening the forbidden puzzle box. But he wakes up from the dead when his brother cuts himself on a nail and bleeds on the floor. And under the floor, dirty Frank wakes up from the dead after his body consumes his brother’s blood. Dirty Frank lives again! Watch out women, he likes to rock and f while you are screaming for more, more, more!

So the woman who still loves dirty Frank starts seducing men, and she kills them after luring them in and taking them to her disgusting and dirty whore house. Dirty Frank enjoys having fun with their bodies, and he is turning more and more into a human again with every new body he consumes. What a dirty man this dirty Frank is!

But we can’t forget Ashley Laurence. In the beginning, she irritated me with some disgusting overacting when she was angry and intense. But she turned me around in the last 20 minutes when she was hysterical. But the scene towards the end with her and dirty Frank is pretty stupid. The woman is blind, but let’s blame it on her hysteria.

The ending is dark, atmospheric, dirty, and Frank. I love the last 20 minutes, even though Pinhead has some stiff lines that didn’t sound good in the movie. They could have worked on some of his dialogue. And they should never have put that stupid-looking Cenobite with the sunglasses in the movie. He is not scary. He looks like a fat penis wearing sunglasses, and he’s as boring as Jason Voorhees.

Hellraiser is a different breed compared with other popular movies and horror icons in the genre. It’s so dirty and brutal, and most of the actors are excellent. I just wish the Cenobites would have gotten a little more screen time, but not too much. That could have ruined some of the atmosphere Hellraiser is known for.

Rating: 7/10

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