He never gave up hope.
A drug cartel wants revenge after Interpol confiscated their drugs. They go after the agent that led the operation, and they kill his family except for the youngest daughter, who they kidnap. They even kill the little old lady in the wheelchair. Her father survives, and that’s bad news for the drug cartel. He is a fat man. They call him, The Fatman!
Madam Rose, who kidnapped the girl, is brainwashing the girl to turn her into an assassin. She erases her memories. She tells the girl that she is her mother and that her father is dead.
15 years have gone, and a Chinese cop has a meeting with Fatman. He is trying to convince Fatman to work for Interpol again. They want him to solve cases they haven’t solved yet or something like that.
A nice woman gives him something to drink, and the thanks she gets is some steel fists planted in her face and a knockout. She wears a mask and a bomb. Fatman still has it in him. But she works for Interpol. She is one of their agents. She likes it rough though, it’s her thing.
Fatman agrees to join them, but first, he must fight to cool off. They show him a video of several drug traffickers who are all evil men. They have become a corporation, and they are blackmailing the underworld.
The South American drug lords have hired Madam Rose, who kidnapped Fatman’s daughter and killed his family. She is going to kill some of the drug traffickers. Interpol is going to lure out Madam Rose by using the drug traffickers as bait, but the drug traffickers know about what Interpol is planning, so they are all hiding. Fatman tells the other guy to reopen the case of his missing daughter because he knows she is still alive.
And here she is. She is pretending to study, and a creepy guy tries to hit on her. She gets a mission to kill one of the drug traffickers. A weird-looking woman walks in, and I have no comment. She must carry a lot of sexual diseases. She is also an assassin working for Madam Rose, and her mission is to kill another drug trafficker. And there is another assassin, the hottest one. So, three assassins are going to kill the drug traffickers.
The weird-looking assassin misses her first attempt to kill the big guy, and she is in trouble. But she can use a towel to tame him, and that looks pretty weird, to be honest. I think he is enjoying the view, but I can’t see anything! Let me have a look, stupid cameraman! But she cuts his Achilles tendon, and that was the end of him.
His guards come running in, but she takes care of those guys. They stand no chance against the weird-looking assassin.
Then it’s time for the Street Fighter moment in the movie when the hottest assassin comes in with a birthday cake. Meet Chun-Li. She teases him, and after playing with him in the ring, she kills him with a hard blow to his thick forehead. What a hard punch! The sexy thing would have knocked out Mike Tyson himself! Let’s hope she didn’t break her fist!
There is a funeral going on, and Crocodile Dundee is here to crash the party. The wife and the kids of the deceased man are there to mourn, but Crocodile Dundee is a bully.
Then the brainwashed daughter of the Interpol agent shows up and takes care of business. She ends up killing Crocodile Dundee, but she has a problem. She can’t leave any witnesses if they have seen her face. But she can’t kill the mother and two kids, so she has broken the golden rule. Madam Rose will be so angry! Sorry, I meant mother Rose will be angry!
The daughter thinks back to when she was trained to become an assassin. Look at those uniforms! Are they supposed to look sexy? Are we in North Korea? And we can see there’s a rivalry going on between the assassins, and the daughter killed one of them by accident. And now the daughter has an emotional breakdown. She is trying to cry and pretend to be upset.
Her roommate needs to see a dentist, NOW! The Chinese cop talks to a professor where the daughter studies and they shake hands. The Chinese man believes he’s too hot and cool for the rest of the world, and he looks like a jerk.
The Chinese cop found something that he believes can belong to the assassin who killed Crocodile Dundee. So he’s going to see if they get a DNA match.
Fatman tells the jerk that he has adopted a daughter who is a Chinese tomboy. And as we know, the Chinese love to cheat. Look at him!
The tomboy is fighting Fatman while they are eating. He wants the food for himself since he is so fat and sexy. The tomboy doesn’t need any food, and can someone punch him hard in the face for me?
The assassins are having a meeting, and on the right, we see a freak of a man. I guess he’s a man. But this feels like a totally different movie. It’s like watching an awful and perverted soap opera. And the hot Chun-Li tries to hit on the goofy-looking guy. My eyes are hurting just by watching this. These are mainland China shoes you can buy for one dollar. This is top-notch Chinese quality! There’s drama in the air! She gives the daughter the evil eye!
The goofy-looking guy calls himself Black Dragon. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror, stupid idiot? You are not black! Madam Rose has sent him to help the daughter clean up the mess she created when she didn’t kill the witnesses. But nothing comes out of it. Maybe it was the subtitle’s fault.
Again we visit the past, and we are in a Mad Max movie where the daughter has to prove herself and not get killed. Madam Rose must first teach her a lesson, and that was a good smack. Can I also have one, mother Rose?
Black Dragon is doing all the work while the daughter is just standing there. She proves she is not a born killer. Finally, she reacts when a Black Dragon is about to get killed.
The Chinese cop waits for the daughter the next day, and he tells her about Crocodile Dundee. He is the worst Interpol agent ever. He gets a phone call, and the person tells him that the DNA matches the daughter who was kidnapped 15 years ago.
They tell Fatman the news, and he travels to Taiwan immediately in his Fatcar.
Interpol agents guard the mother and her two children, and Fatman tells her about what happened to his daughter and his family. The woman cries. What’s wrong with this man? He’s telling her his entire life story. He hopes he will see his daughter again and that the woman will help him since she saw her. Or something like that. I can’t trust the subtitles in this movie.
Madam Rose discovers that Fatman is still alive, and she is going to send someone to take care of him. And there’s a strange thing behind her I don’t know what is.
The weird-looking assassin is shopping again, and she is attacked by Arnold Vosloo, who is gay. She asks for help, but it turns out that this man is also gay and violent. Are all the gay men violent in this movie? So she’s attacked by two gay men. And she’s getting beat up by the two gay men. The two gay men manhandle her, and then the weird-looking assassin dies. She didn’t stand a chance against the gay men.
A supercomputer has made a fantastic sketch of the daughter, and the jerk is getting a headache since he’s certain he has seen this woman before. Yeah, he is all looks and no brain.
When Fatman returns to his home, the tomboy tells him that her tutor is there. Drama! That is his missing daughter, and she has come to kill him, I guess. She doesn’t know that he is her father. Remember, she’s brainwashed.
Fatman discovers that the drawer where he stores his gun has been opened, and he gets worried. He talks to himself. He believes she is his daughter, so he can’t decide if he’s going to kill her if she tries to kill him. And under the table, she holds a gun.
He turns on the TV and plays an old video of her when she was young. He looks at her, and she looks at him, and now it seems she remembers something from her past. She asks him who are you? I always dream of you, Fatman. And then she takes the gun and runs away.
The Fatman runs after her, and suddenly they are two hamsters. Then Black Dragon intervenes, and he attacks the Fatman while the daughter runs away. Black Dragon pulls out his gun and tells him to not follow them. Stay away, Fatman!
When Fatman returns to the office, the man shows him the picture of his daughter. It’s confirmed, it’s her!
She’s at the library again, and here comes Black Dragon. He tells her that Madam Rose will kill her. The creepy-looking guy turns out to be an assassin, and the library has been taken over by assassins. They are trying to kill the daughter and Black Dragon, and she has her romantic moment. The woman with crooked teeth also turns out to be an assassin, and she shoots two arrows that hit Black Dragon in his mighty chest. It’s not looking good for the idiot. They jump off the building, and Black Dragon is a gentleman, and he uses his body to protect the daughter. Did he break his stick, though? Black Dragon has gone to heaven.
Madam Rose has planted a microchip in her neck to track her, and she cuts it out. Madam Rose can’t track her anymore.
The Fatman returns to his home, and his tomboy daughter is acting weird. That strange assassin who looks like hell attacks him. And there is the hot assassin. But they should know that the Fatman can’t sing! Sorry, I meant he can fight.
But then Madam Rose crashes the party. The daughter is in the jerk’s car, and he tells her she is the missing daughter that the Fatman is searching for. He tells her she has been brainwashed. The jerk tells her he loves her, and she gets out of the car and tells him to stay away.
Madam Rose has arrested the Fatman and the tomboy, and she’s going to use them to lure out the daughter. But Interpol knows where he is since they planted a microchip in his neck, and they know that he’s on an island. They are preparing to arrest the bad guys.
The assassin, who is the hottest one of them all, has suddenly changed her looks. She has now become a rockabilly.
Madam Rose asks her what she’s doing because that is Madam Rose’s chair! She tells Madam Rose that this is her chair now. They have turned on Madam Rose, and it turns out that Leonard Cohen is her nemesis. The fight is on, and Arnold Vosloo and his gay lover attack the weird-looking thing while Madam Rose doesn’t stand a chance against the rockabilly.
The gay men have been let out of their cages, and they are just playing with the weird-looking thing. And here comes Tony Jaa and his fantastic knee, and she has gone to heaven. Leonard Cohen shoots Madam Rose in her leg. They are done with her. The rockabilly kills her.
The daughter is on the island, and now it’s time for her to show her skills. She is here to save her family. They faint after she lets out a fart. She goes under the name, The Ripper. It’s time for the reunion scene. This is what you call quality acting.
The police have arrived, and they take out the guards. The reunited family fights Leonard Cohen and his henchmen. And the family doesn’t have any problems, but then the two gay men steps in, and the fight is getting HARDER!
The fatman and the daughter fight the gay men. Arnold Vosloo is out of the picture. They just have to defeat Arnold Vosloo’s lover and send him to heaven. We have two liftoffs. Who will win the duel of the knees? That landing was hard for the gay man. Leonard Cohen stabs him, and he asks him if it feels good. It doesn’t look so, but remember, he’s gay. So now it’s father and daughter against a crazy Leonard Cohen.
The daughter is still fighting the rockabilly. Time to pose. And here come some fans of Eminem with swords and shields. The color guys! The color!
Jean-Claude Van Damme must be proud of that split. Oh my God, Leonard Cohen is about to die.
The shieldmen are creating problems for the daughter. But then the daughter uses her brain against the shield guys. The shield guys don’t use their brains. For Christ’s sake, they have shields! And I forgot the daughter has the sexiest armor in the world. This is the sexiest scene in the whole movie.
They are fighting and posing on a deadly playground. Don’t bring your kids to this playground. Double split, but Jean-Claude Van Damme doesn’t approve. She is caught between two beams. And then the rockabilly lets it all out like a mad woman. She tells the daughter how much she has hated her since childhood. You are waiting for her to die because she can’t stop talking. She is a whining, crazy woman. They are talking about love, and love is the keyword.
Oh no, the rockabilly is in trouble, and here come the cops. He tells the daughter to spare her life, and again they are talking about love. Then the rockabilly takes the knife and cuts the rope and smiles. She hits the ground and dies like Hans Gruber in Die Hard. This is the most emotional scene in the whole movie. I think the actor is laughing. She can’t act, and she is Nicholas Tse’s sister. Well, he can’t act either, so it runs in the family.
The Chinese cop loves her so much. He has no shame. She wants him to cuff her since she’s into the kinky stuff, but he will ask the judge to give her a light sentence. He will wait for her forever. The family is whole again.
The end!